Life Changes

Do You Ever Want to Give Up?

 

How many times in your week do you just want to give up?  The thought may last just a fraction of a second, or it may last for weeks.

Maybe you'd like to call this giving-up thought as,"counting the costs and getting out." I love a friend who a year ago proposed in her heart to raise the level of living in her new immediate family by meaningful thoughtfulness and gracious manners one to another. However, she was now counting the costs in her thoughts and setting herself up to getting out of her purposed dream. 

 

For me, I turned to God with tears falling to my bed saying,"I can't do this!" The tears were for utter release of holding onto a new pathway that the Lord had set for me since June. It was a big project with many areas to develop before I'd be generating any income. My fears were taking over and giving me an opportunity to count the costs.

 

Perhaps you have a desire in your heart that you've been working on for many years, a pet project that you've been working on at work,or some goal that seems to not want to transpire. Each one is a dream that you want to see happen. 

Sometimes it is time to let go. It was a dream for a time to move you to the place you are at now. Or it was a dream that you set for yourself without consulting your Creator who knows you better than you know yourself. He likes to plan too. Are you fighting His plans for you because you know better than He how to put that dream together?

 

Other times it's time to evaluate, yet not give up your purpose proposed in your heart. It's time to evaluate like an annual review of that dream and make some adjustments that got off from alignment. When my loving friend wanted to give up on her dream she had proposed in her wedding vows a year ago, I shared with her that God had told me, "She is reaching for something higher and I honor her for desiring that." In that moment of sharing His words, she renewed her purpose for her new family. And when I gave God all of my giving-up thoughts, He gave me absolute peace and then blessed me with joy for the rest of the day.

 

I got it! I learned from that experience. There are times that a dream purpose must go on no matter the disappointments, walls, or fears. God wants us to walk through it with His companionship. Walking out our dream is not a solo job. We are partners with Him. He loves what we propose in our hearts as we align ourselves with His purposes. So continue one day at a time! Do the things set out for today, for tomorrow can be too much to think about.

 

There are also times we just need to see our dream purpose as He sees it with His infinite resources and do it all for the glory of God. When we get our own status, pride, and limitations in the dream we muck up our dream. 

 

So the next time you are discouraged, disappointed or dismayed about your dream consider what's going on before giving up or getting out of it. There may be something else God is saying about your dream.

 

Photo: "Dream ave & believe st." © Svlumagraphica / Dreamstime.com

 

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Why “I’m Sorry” Is Not Enough

How many times in your life have you heard yourself or someone you know say, "I'm sorry"? Did you know that saying "I'm sorry" could mean many different things? 

You could be saying, "I'm sorry" because you wanted to absolve yourself from the guilt you feel inside. That's when saying "I'm sorry" was not enough. You didn't desire to step into the shoes of the other person to experience what they experienced by your action. Now that you offered an apology without saying what you did and how that must of made the other feel you have just shifted guilt responsibility to the other's shoulders. Now the other person is the bad person if they don't accept your apology even though your "I'm sorry" was void of the principles behind "clearing the board. 

"What's that?" you might ask. "'Clearing the board' sounds like a good thing. I could sense what I'd feel like to ‘clear the board.' An invisible yet felt weight would lift-off my shoulders, head and chest. I would want to welcome the other person. There would be freedom to move and be myself." 

Before we go on with how to "clear the board" there are more "I'm sorry's" to discover! Another "I'm sorry" may mean that you truly didn't like what you did to the other person(s) but you hadn't thought about what you would do to "turn around" from doing that again. "Turning around" would set your self on a course of action in a new direction. Perhaps that course of action would be to get a life coach, someone who would help you to do the "turn around" with you and keep you accountable for what you wanted to turn around from. 

Turning around" is a key principle for "clearing the board." Without "turning around" your apologies are empty words which others must carry for you until you ask for real forgiveness. Others will continue to forgive you 70 X 7 because they loved you or perhaps they wanted to avoid conflict with you because you've become a Sludger! 

Another "I'm sorry" may be said because you are in a relationship where the other person sees you as the one to blame, always! "I'm sorry" was said by you to amend the relationship the only way that the other person has allowed. Your "I'm sorry" is a plea for their mercy to accept you or to not harm you. 

Another "I'm sorry" may be the real thing. You saw what you had done to the point of being able to step into the other person(s) shoes experiencing what they had felt and thought. You've reflected upon what you would like to do to correct this from happening again. You have set up a plan to do just that and do it. You have then found an appropriate time to express all this to the other person(s). After expressing what you had done, how that must have made them feel and what you have acted upon to make a change you asked them after they have had a chance to respond, "Will you forgive me?" Your question is asked not expecting the person(s) to say, "Yes." You are simply staying open to whatever may happen. 

The person(s) may not be able to say, "Yes." You may need to give them time to see that your change is not just empty words. Perhaps they aren't capable at this time of forgiving you or anyone until they get help on their issues. However, I guarantee that if you have truly seen what has severed your relationship with the person(s) and have acted upon a commitment to change, the person(s) will be able to tell this. The intent of your heart will have an honest impact on them. Good comes eventually and in some manner. 

Asking for forgiveness is a serious and honest step to "turning around." Do it for the right reasons and you will receive "clearing of the board," like you may have dreamed of experiencing. And as a special bonus for honest work, asking for forgiveness may lead you to "reconciliation" of that relationship.

Photo: "Apology on a napkin" © Tim Nichols / Dreamstime.com    No other text entered

 

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Fear: Will it Reign?

We talked about the economy last time where fear often resides. Where else does fear reside? 

In my life, fear often resides in a future event where there is only one outcome. It's the one and only outcome I made up from my Sludgy pond (my own perspective of what I know usually from my pride). Everytime I think of that one outcome, fear fills me up until it becomes "my state of being"...IF I let it! 

What about in your life? Where does fear reside? Perhaps it's in losing someone you love. Perhaps it's in being rejected for that job you want. Perhaps it's in not being able to pay your bills. Perhaps it's in being embarrassed. Perhaps it's in the fact that no one cares about you. Perhaps it's in a real danger by a person desiring you harm. What do you decide to do with that emotion? 

Fear will reign out of actively imagining, not solely out of real danger. Sometimes what you may do is to actively imagine an outcome. This is great for problem solving and even greater if you are inclusive of God in "the many options imagined." But when you use it to actively imagine only one outcome out of your own pool of thoughts you are entertaining "Fear"to be "your state of being." That's not a good place to live from. 

And your unconscious mind can't tell the difference whether the outcome you are actively imagining, is really happening or not. So your body responds with the needed processes for the presence of "Fear" to reign in you. Adrenalin rushes, muscles tense-up ready for action, your mind runs trying to figure out a way out with panic! Imagine experiencing these processes over and over again when the outcome is only being imagined. It can become the pattern of your thoughts, a habit.

When "Fear" reigns in you what can you do? One option is to stop actively imagining only one outcome. Expand your outcomes to seven options. Ask God in to help you with some other options. Make four of the seven, positive outcomes. Write them down, one through seven. Then decide which one you are going to "hang your hat on." Write down why you are choosing this one. Date it. Use this prevention for "Fear reigning."

Remember that it's not the emotion of fear that's harmful. It's what we decide to do with it once we feel it.

Another option is to use the strongest known anecdote for fear, "Love." Choose to invite in and stay in God's loving presence for God is Love. Soak Him in. Think about whom He is; the names He's called by those who have known Him. Up rises worship. Up rises what you are grateful for. Up rises hope. Full is your love for Him. Gone is confusion. Gone is "your state of Fear," because "There is NO FEAR in Love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us." (I John 4:18-19 NIV) This is your anecdote for "Fear reigning."

When two emotions are in conflict, the stronger one will win so let Love reign in you! "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8a)        

 

 

Photo: "Need options assist key" © Clearviewstock / Dreamstime.com

 

 

 

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The Economy: Would you say something less predictable?

 

In these recent days when major media and individuals in your life are spreading the word about our economy, where do you stand? Would you be socially agreeable responding with, "Yes, isn't that the truth? I stopped what I have been doing, in fact what I was about to do, I'm changing my plans to spending less and worrying more." In a split second you could decide to follow with unquestioned compliance to other people's fears (media and others in your life) becoming your truth to live by. Or would you say something less predictable? Would you say something couched in what's been meaningful, purposeful and a proven guideline for your life?

Think about those proven guidelines for your life as you listen to these economy statements. Statement 1: My neighbor said, "We used to eat out all the time, but with the economy the way it is, we've decided to start cooking our own meals." He was talking about his stocks not having as high a return. Statement 2: A client said, "Since the state I'm living in is not doing well, I decided that this is not the time for me to start my business." This comes from a client whose family has no future income concerns and carrying a business idea that will be well needed in the future for our aging country. Statement 3: Another neighbor who goes to church said, "I'm concerned that my daughter keeps on working because she only has herself to depend upon." Her daughter makes six figures, has generational family links to her work field and has steadily landed desired positions in her field for four years. 

What would you say back in response to their concerns? My response was to listen with no immediate agreement as I contemplated what was served-up. I seized the moment to choose what and who was to guide my life decisions today. 

What and who guides your life decisions? Is it what one reporter with a managing editor decided to capture your attention with on today's news? Are you guided by proven facts gained through particular sources? Are you guided by what you fear? What and who guides your decisions? 

My personal relationship of following Jesus guides my decisions! He guides my every day small decisions much more often than the big ones. The big ones take care of themselves once the small ones become natural. 

It's the small decisions and the split second ones within one day that throw me off of what's been so good for me. It's been so good to be exposed to using my talents with people of other nations while getting a worldview of what's important to living a full life in "my own backyard." It's been so good to be positioned in a particular place at the right time because of past obedience. In this world we live in it's been so good to experience God's perfect love and goodness! It's been so good to gain solid foundational wisdom for every day living such as in finances because I do what Jesus teaches me to do. 

However, like being in a new workplace, married into a new family, or working in an unfamiliar nation it takes awhile before following Jesus' culture becomes natural. In fact, it won't happen naturally if I don't step into a daily relationship of following Him. It is those split-second and small decisions that have become the challenge for me. Yet, I desire to stay the course because of His goodness. Then I shall look back and be amazed at His wonders in my life with gratitude and peace.

The economy. What and who guides your decisions? Will you say something less predictable?  

 

 

Economy Avenue © Photographer: Albo/ Agency: Dreamstime.com 

 

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It’s People Sludge!

Your energy is a valuable commodity. Without your energy nothing gets done except, lots of sleep! First to go is your thinking. Remember saying, "I'm so tired I can't even think!" Second to go is your will. You just, "Don't have the stuff to want to do it." Third to go, is you. You pull out and roll into a ball. 

 

As an employer,you need to know where your worker's energy is expended. If it's on People Sludge then you better call in Roto-Rooter! That's short for calling me, your neighborhood deep root level life coach. Coach it out before all your drains are clogged with sludge. 

When your worker's energy has to be expended upon appeasing the Sludger in your organization it is wasted energy that could be used creating fruitful products for your organization. And the poor worker involved with this Sludger is now a Sludgee. Short for the one who must find a way to work with, around, through and more than likely wait around for the Sludger inorder to get their work done. And even more likely, the Sludgee is spending 75% of their time appeasing the Sludger through extra real work that spins into nothing useful. That's People Sludge! Learn to name it. 

In the home, a Sludger may be the unhealthy one in the family. The Sludger is the one where problems ARE all about them. The home is heavy with their toxins. Yes, we learn to work with them because they are family my goodness! But nevertheless, the energy needed to handle the extra work and expenditure of energy can turn a 30 year old into a 60-year-old body! Our physical bodies tell it all. It has boundaries even if we don't. Name the Sludger! Call it People Sludge. That's the first step.

Your energy loss is a big deal. Such a big deal that identifying "People Sludge" will become a frequent practice. Named, the People Sludge won't become such a way of life that sludging becomes normalized like the common cold. Families will say, "Heh, Sludging is not allowed around here." The workplace will say, "Heh, Take your Sludge and deal with it. It's stealing my job energy." 

 

If you found this intriguing and needed, please give me a call or flash an email to me. And if you are the boss seeing People Sludge in your workplace, ask for a Job Request from Life Changes. We want to see your life at work, home and at the organizations you are a part of to experience efficiency of your workers energy. The outcome is the ability to do your job with focus, efficiency and in a freed environment from PeopleSludgers.

 

 

Photographer: Sasha Radosavljevic/Angency: Dreamstime.com

 

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Finding the Steel Thread

There is a “Steel Thread” that runs through every generation of every people group in the world. That Steel Thread is a bonding trust in Jesus Christ. He’s been present from the beginning of your life and He has been present from the beginning of time. He is uniquely Father, Son & Holy Spirit yet the epitome of teamwork and unity working as one. He is the God who is before all other gods. He created the heavens and the earth. He conceived of you before you were born. In Japan He is called, “Aminominakanushi.” In South America He is called “Tupan.” In Togo, Africa He is called, “Mawe.” He is called “Shang Di” in China and “Koro” in Ethiopia. He is called, “Ra” in Egypt. About 90% of the world’s folk religions have a name for Him. *

If you choose to look for this Steel Thread in your own family line you’ll find it because He enjoys you finding Him in other

 

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Your Life Calling: A Journey Towards Doing it!

Spiritual Coaching is a part of my life calling. Come join me as I share my journey towards this type of coaching and make a way for how your "God-given talents" connects to your life calling!

In 2003, my Master's Thesis Advisor said to me, "You'd make a good Spiritual Coach." Roseanne Stevenson is her name. She is an executive coach at Boeing's Leadership Center in St. Louis and a professor of Strategic Leadership.

Her words came heavy upon me at the time. I was getting my masters to

 

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Taking an Inner Journey of Courage

It's an inner journey of courage. It takes courage to step into a realm that you don't like, but you willfully step towards it expecting to learn from the Lord something good. You may learn something good for you that effect others in a good way. It's an unknown. From where you are sitting right now, there just may be nothing but the bad you expect. I see my clients take this step of courage and applaud them. So let's begin.

"My Journey Towards Japan" started in February of this year when my church missions class was introduced to the Reaching Japan for Christ Regional Conference through the film, "God's Fingerprints in Japan." Just recently, two strangers at church had given me that film. My sister watched it four times! My dad was not interested in watching this film though in the late 1940-50's he was not allowed to be a missionary to Japan because he would be ineffective as a Japanese-American. I cried watching a Japanese-American Christian ask forgiveness for the war with Japan. There was a deep pain inside me that I didn't know existed regarding my Christian faith, the war and my identity.

Let me explain my attitude about Japan. There is a true account in the Bible about Jonah. Jonah was asked by God to go speak to the City of Nineveh. Jonah knew that God would help them without his help, because God is that kind of person. Jonah personally didn't like the darkness of that city. All he wanted to do was to stay as far away from that place as possible.

 

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Remember, That Thankfulness is Powerful!

As I wrote a character reference letter for a friend and colleague, merely thinking of my appreciation for her caused my soul to well-up with an internal "strength." And as I wrote my closing words my continence brightened.

This past week I also had the pleasure of bringing to a close a 1-1/4 year long coaching client who courageously healed from depression and overeating. Talking to God she said, "The bitterness is gone. The darkness has lifted. I praise you for this! You dialed the phone for me some days; loving and fathering me through this." We were in the sweetness of gratitude and didn't want to leave it.

 

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Watch Faith Melt Walls of Worry

WORRY. Some believe that worry is only for those who "make mountains out of molehills." Others believe that worry is a part of their responsibility. It has become their way of living responsibly. Some worry to self-control their world from falling apart (to the point of needing to be perfect for many different and legitimate reasons). Most importantly, worry is definitely for those who have very real mountains.

This year, I have had four very real mountains. I called them WALLS. They posed as thick concrete grey ones that couldn't be scaled in a

 

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